Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
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I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.