I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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