apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.