i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.