its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex