I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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