having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
