I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'