i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo