she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
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Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear