I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
