I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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