Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
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Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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