is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
