I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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