Please, let me fuck your mom
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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