Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
