Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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