what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
