Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
