there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
