We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
