I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
