So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
