She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
