fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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