Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
