So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
