my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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