ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
