Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
