i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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