Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
