Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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