so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
