I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize