i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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