so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
