ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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