Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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