everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
