I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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