what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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