peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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