Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
