Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
foreskin is a definite game changer
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
