In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
