I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
