God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
