Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
