Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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