Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
