the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You can't special order awesome
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
