I have demons in me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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