from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
