the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
