Cold hands, warm shart.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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