The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
