i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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