The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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