I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!