i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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