You just made me feel so damn special
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism