JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.