Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?