it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
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It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.