don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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