It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.