im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now