just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
