I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
