this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.