I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
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I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.