I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
