As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
