WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
