my mouth tastes like poor choices
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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