Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
