I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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