the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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