And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
