So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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